On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize