I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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