If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
