It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
