you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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