I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
