did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
