You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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