Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize