well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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