apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
