I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
