My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
