You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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