Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
