rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
