I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
