The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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