I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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