i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
