Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
