Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
