was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
