The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
