Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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