Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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