and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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