Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
