And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This beer is not sobering me up at all
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize