No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
