Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
