turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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