She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
