i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
