so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
