but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
