Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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