The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
