fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
