I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
