when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
As shirtless as possible
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
