i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
