just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
