Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
