New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
