remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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