Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
