he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
