remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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