"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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