I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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