Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
