i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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