look no pants
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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