suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
