No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
