Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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