I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i dont even know how to be here
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I pour the whiskey from now on
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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