Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They should really pass out barf bags in church
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
