Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
