You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
