You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
