I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My dick has a subreddit
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
