First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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