Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I love you. Go after that dick
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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