he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
