Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
